


I Know You're Fine (I'm Not Used To Fine)

by dreamiesficfest, thehiddengrace



Series: Dear Dream - Dreamies Fic Fest (Second Wave) [6]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Jealousy, Low Self Esteem Issues, M/M, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, jisung's not the baby anymore, learning to be a hyung, lots of original characters sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2020-01-15 20:43:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18506728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamiesficfest/pseuds/dreamiesficfest, https://archiveofourown.org/users/thehiddengrace/pseuds/thehiddengrace
Summary: Prompt Number: #DD130Jisung's always known he wouldn't be the youngest forever; he just hadn't expected things to change like they are.





	I Know You're Fine (I'm Not Used To Fine)

**Author's Note:**

> Notes from the Author: This spiraled out of control and went some places I had not intended. Sorry for the angst!

Surprisingly, it's not management or Taeyong-hyung or even gossipy Johnny-hyung that throws Jisung his first curveball in years.

He's just slumped into his dorm from his third excruciating day of running lines to discover the more annoying part of the ‘00 line lounging around the living room in various states of wakefulness. "None of you even live here anymore. How did you get in?" he grouses, kicking his shoes off.

Haechan grins lazily from the couch he's laying upside down on. "Junhyeok let us in on his way out. We're waiting on Renjun." Who, unfortunately, does still live there.

"So you've been here unsupervised?" He asks as he digs through the fridge. There's no leftovers or rice, so maybe it's a good thing Haechan's here; maybe he can talk him into making dinner so it's not just take out again.

"Unsupervised? We're the adults here, little maknae," Jaemin tsks.

"You can't call him that anymore," Haechan says. Jisung freezes.

"What? Why not?" Jaemin immediately asks. Haechan grins again and swings himself right side up, face red, planting his feet on a sleeping Jeno's chest. "What do you know? How do you know it?" 

Haechan's grin grows. "I may have heard something I wasn't supposed to."

Jisung does his best to pretend he's not listening and rummages through one of the cabinets loudly.

Jaemin raises a brow questioningly, and really, that's all the encouragement Haechan needs; he's never been able to keep a secret for long. "They're announcing new Rookies tomorrow. Heard management talking to Taeyong-hyung after practice the other day. Shortened timeline until debut."

"Oh my god. Did you hear who?"

"Kent. Siwoo. That tiny Japanese trainee whose name I really need to learn how to say. Minjun and Seojun." Haechan carefully ticks off on his fingers. 

Jaemin whistles. "I thought the twins were going to be part of the new boy group they're planning, not NCT..." But Jisung has stopped listening and doesn't hear much after that.

He's been expecting it.

He knows they're running out of time if they're planning on keeping Dream going after next year when he and Kwangsu graduate out, so it's not like this is a total surprise.

And honestly he's been looking forward to finally having some dongsaengs to do his bidding.

But… but he hadn't fully grasped that it would mean he's no longer the maknae. By a lot. Ryuunosuke is four years younger than he is, and cuter than he ever thought about being. And the twins. They're seventeen and capable of so many things he hadn't been able to do at their age.

That's the way of the industry though, always someone cuter and better coming up behind you.

He's just always been lucky that they keep adding members older than him; Kwangsu is six days older than him. It's kept him relevant to the fans for this long, having such a special position.

He sighs loudly before pulling the lid up on the rice maker and staring into its empty depths. Okay, cereal it is, since his hyungs haven't swooped in to save him. What good are they even?

*

Haechan drops into Jisung's room on his way out. "You okay?" he asks, plopping himself over Jisung's legs.

"Yeah, sure," Jisung says, not even looking up from his Switch.

Haechan purses his lips. "You know you can come to me if something _is_ bothering you, right?"

"Nothing's wrong, hyung."

Haechan grabs his Switch out of his hands and starts hitting random buttons; Jisung hears the jingle that plays when his character dies. "You never call me hyung if you can help it. What's going on?"

Jisung sighs, because he knows Haechan's never going to give up. He's like a magpie that's seen something shiny; now he's going to worm his way into Jisung's guts. "Filming is different than I expected. I'm just tired."

Haechan looks at him for a moment, like he's trying to decide if he believes him or not, before apparently deciding to go along with it. "Oh, I'm probably not the best one to give you drama advice. We could ask Jaemin or Jaehyun-hyung how they handle it?"

"Nah, I don't want to bother them. I'll figure it out. It's not like this is forever. There's only a few months of this and I'm probably never doing it again." It's only been three days and he hates it; give him a dancing show any day.

Haechan drops the Switch off the side of the bed ( _"Hey, careful! That was expensive!"_ ) and then sprawls over Jisung, taking up as much space as his limbs will let him.

"Why are you doing this?" Jisung asks listlessly, already resigned to his fate.

"Our maknae is having some problems, so I'm cuddling them away."

Jisung sighs again. "This is not cuddling my problems away. This is smothering me. Besides, I thought you said I'm not the maknae anymore."

Haechan pats his face. "You'll always be the maknae of my heart," he says sweetly before aggressively jabbing his hand in the cradle of Jisung's neck and tickling.

"No, hyung!" he shrieks, trying to buck away even though he's trapped under Haechan's weight. "Go away, you're annoying!"

Haechan laughs before pinching his cheek and rolling off of him. "I have a schedule, but I'll be back to bother you tomorrow," he promises, blowing a kiss.

"Great. Great." Jisung sighs again, still breathless. "Can't wait."

*

Haechan is back to bother him, but filming's not so terrible that day so his bad mood from the night before is pretty much forgotten. As for the rest, it's not like he really has time to stress about it between his twelve hour shootings and learning a stupid amount of lines that will never even end up on screen and guest appearances on variety shows to talk about his drama where the MCs always overlook him in favour of focusing on the main cast. Dance practice is pretty much the only thing that's making life bearable, but he hasn't even had time to make it to one of those recently, so really, what's NCT even need him for?

It's just days and days of him falling asleep in his cereal and accidentally responding with his lines whenever anyone talks to him, as terrified as he is of forgetting something crucial.

Before he knows it, he and the rest of Dream have been pulled into a disgustingly early morning meeting about their next comeback. Jisung had hoped that this meeting would wait another few months so he could at least finish the bulk of filming, but well, maybe Junhyeok can teach him the dance in the mornings before he leaves for filming and Chenle can probably teach him the song over the phone? Idols have been doing this forever, maybe a hyung will have some advice for him. (Not that he has the time to figure out and approach that hyung, but the option exists, probably.)

He leans against Chenle's shoulder and hopes that Chenle can catch him up whenever management calls on him.

He's so tired that he doesn't even notice when one of the managers quietly ushers in Ryuunosuke and the twins. He just opens his eyes during a lull in their manager's monologue and is face to face with one of the twins staring at him.

He's familiar enough with Minjun and Seojun, just never really been able to tell them apart with their matching bowl cuts and half moon eyes and how they always dress in the same exact color; he used to wonder when they found time to coordinate their outfits, as many different trainee classes they were both crammed into. 

He offers a tired smile and the twin looks away quickly. Great. When he's trying to be a team player for once.

"You all know each other, right?" Manager-nim asks carefully. "You'll be working together for the rest of the year."

Just like Haechan had predicted. Fantastic. Manager-nim really needs to work on his introduction skills.

*

"You knew they were being added to Dream," Chenle observes when they're filing out of the SM building, headed back to the dorm to make space for their soon to be members before Jisung has to leave for afternoon filming. "You were the only one not surprised."

"How were you surprised? Did you really think Dream was going to be the four of us forever?"

"I guess I didn't really think about it after they were announced. Thought they'd be Rookies longer and they'd wait until me and Junhyeok graduate out." Ah right. Because no one gossiped with Chenle about the streamlined joining. "It's only been a few months since the '00 line left."

"You're leaving in 9 months. It would have just been me and Kwangsu at the beginning of the year. Do you really think they'd leave me and Kwangsu on our own? Who would do the actual singing? Who would keep us from actually self destructing on stage?"

"You could have been the Dream Duo, I can see it. You'd have been, like, the new Taeyong-hyung and Mark."

Jisung rolls his eyes. "They would never be dumb enough to put Kwangsu in a duo unless the other person was Mark-hyung. No one else has the energy for that. I would probably die."

It's Chenle's turn to roll his eyes. "How do you think they'll settle in?"

He shrugs. Ryuunosuke seems quiet and unassuming, but that could just be the language barrier still in effect. And the twins are already close with Kwangsu, which means they're already exhausting. "It'll be like when Junhyeok-hyung and Kwangsu joined last year. Weird, but we'll all adjust, I guess." He yawns widely.

"You look like you haven't slept all year. Take a nap when we get back. I'll help Kwangsu get moved into Junhyeok's room."

"You get to tell Renjun-hyung he's getting a new roommate, then."

Chenle looks like he hadn't considered that. "Play you for it," holding out a hand.

*

He doesn't get his nap when they get back because Renjun and Haechan are side by side in the kitchen, waiting for them. 

"Well, well, well, look who the cat dragged in," Haechan says reaching out and tugging Chenle into a brief headlock before messing up Jisung's hair, coolly fistbumping with Junhyeok, and smacking Kwangsu on the butt before the rest of Dream head to their rooms to get ready for the rest of the day. "We ate all your leftover pork belly," he announces.

Jisung squawks. "That was mine!"

He shrugs. "I was hungry."

Jisung whines.

Renjun laughs and pulls Jisung down at the table beside him before pushing a bowl of rice covered with steaming pork belly in front of him. "What time did you get home last night? You look awful."

"Two-ish?"

"You're a minor. They kept you out filming that late?" Haechan does not look impressed. 

"Nah, dropped by the studio for a while," he says before taking a giant bite. "Have that festival in Busan this weekend. Went over some of the choreo changes with Kwangsu."

Renjun looks concerned. "And management dragged you out on your only morning off?"

Jisung yawns before waving it off. "It was a pretty important meeting. Hyung, you're getting a new roommate."

"What."

"Yup," Jisung says, popping the last syllable. "Ryuunosuke-chan, unless you think breaking the twins up is a good idea."

Renjun looks a little nauseous. "He's fourteen! I can't share a room with a fourteen year old!"

"His birthday was last week so he's fifteen now. The Rookies VLived it," Haechan says, putting his hand on Renjun's thigh and squeezing soothingly. "The twins rubbed cake in his hair and stained it blue."

"I knew I should have kicked up a bigger fuss when Jeno and Jaemin moved across the hall. I'm too old to be living with actual teenagers again. I'm moving in with you."

"Sure. Taeillie-hyung will love the three of us crammed into the smallest room in this entire building."

Renjun huffs. 

Haechan laughs at him before leaning across him to address Jisung. "No Siwoo? I thought for sure he'd be included in the new Dream line up. He'd up your cute factor a little, but I guess Ryuu-chan will have to try to do that on his own."

Siwoo is just a year younger than Jisung and probably should have been, but management probably has something else planned, which probably means a new unit. The thought makes something in Jisung's chest throb with a tiny bit of jealousy because Jisung has never even been a part of a U comeback, let alone a new unit, just Dream. It makes him worried about 20 months from now when he'll be kicked out. "Re-yuuu-no-skay. He hates being called Ryuu."

Haechan fumbles over the pronunciation a few times before shrugging and sitting back up. "Hyung's privilege."

*

Jisung misses the move in and the meeting where they split lines for their new single and the first group dance practice and the twins' return from the salon where they finally get different hair cuts.

"But you look fantastic," he hears Haechan when he finally stumbles in after a 5am set call followed by 12 hours of jumping in a lake and dragging his buff costar out.

"No one is going to know who I am," one of the twins say.

"Nah," Haechan soothes and Jisung turns towards the living room after pulling his still soggy shoes off and discovers one of the twins sprawled over Haechan's lap with shockingly neon hair, the other surprisingly nowhere to be seen. "This will help the fans tell you apart. Right now, you share fans because they've only ever seen you as interchangeable pieces. You're going to have little Seojun stans milling about, screaming about your pretty red hair." And Jisung is impressed because he's known them since they joined and has lived with them for ten days and still can't accurately tell them apart.

"What if they all pick Minjun?"

"So what if they do? You'll still be on stage with your brother, doing what you love, with less pressure from the fans. There's no shame in being the least favourite. Right, Jisung?"

And ugh. Way to be called out on all his insecurities. "Right. The fans you do have will love you even more intensely to make up for it." Because they feel sorry for you, but whatever. He flops down next to them bonelessly and feels a little cold when Haechan doesn't scrunch his fingers through Jisung's hair like he normally does. Granted, he has a lap full of crying teenager, but still.

"Hop up, go find a beanie, and then we'll get ice cream."

"I don't have any beanies."

Haechan laughs. "Then we'll get you one of mine and maybe shop for one afterwards. You're going to need some hats if you plan on being an idol."

Jisung watches as Seojun scrambles up to go run to his room, drying his face with graceless fingers.

"Want to come with? Hyung's treat?"

"Don't know, you calling an actual hyung to come along?"

Haechan makes a small _tsk_. "Brat." He leans over and kisses Jisung wetly on the cheek. "Miss you."

"You're gross," Jisung complains, wiping his face on Haechan's shoulder. "Can you leave now?"

Haechan laughs, golden and loud, like he used to fill the dorm with. It's comforting in a sense, kind of the same way that it's always a relief when he comes home and finds Jeno asleep on their floor waiting for him, or how it makes him feel fond when he finds snacks Jaemin's snuck in his bag between scenes or when he learns that Mark's tried to have his schedule cleared for a nap.

Jisung misses them more than he'd admit, even gross Haechan who won't let him live. 

*

"Where's Seojun?" Haechan asks a few mornings later, bursting into the Dream dorm with no warning. Jisung has a late morning before he has to be on set, so he's just been lounging around and trying to eat as many calories as he can to hold him through the night because they probably won't stop for dinner; he jumps and everything he'd been holding scatters, pretzels raining down on him and the couch.

"Jeez, hyung," he groans, grabbing at his chest. "We have a doorbell for a reason."

Haechan snickers. "What's the point when no one remembers to lock the door?" He asks, moonwalking through the livingroom on his way to the twins' room. He doesn't stop and do any of the things he normally would, poke or prod or mess up his hair, or even mention the _hyung,_ and Jisung's relieved, really, until he hears Minjun shriek in his bedroom and Haechan begins maniacally cackling.

Jisung sighs deeply, and wonders if he should go save his dongsaengs but in the end decides that they've got to get used to Haechan's hijinks eventually. He pops another handful of pretzels in his mouth as he listens to whatever ruckus Haechan's started.

He's always had a lot in common with Haechan, because they've always been the maknae. Sometimes the 127-hyungs forget that Haechan's not the youngest of them all, as wrapped up in themselves as they are. Then again, it's everyone's habit to coddle Haechan, dote on him. 

It's kind of been a relief over the years, sharing the load with Haechan. He's seen other maknaes in the industry, smothered under their groups, and it's always made him cold, how everyone's attention is constantly on them. Haechan's always taken part of that from him, basked in the hyungs' affections when it just makes Jisung awkward.

It's already changing for him, how the hyungs drop gentle hands on Ryuunosuke to guide him, always one eye his way, but has it changed for Haechan? Jisung has always been so easily overlooked in the sea of talented boys, but it's hard to take your eyes off Haechan. 

Will Ryuunosuke's angel choir voice take attention away from sweet voiced Haechan? Will Seojun's memory of girlgroup dances from 10 years ago distract from dance machine Haechan? What about silver-tongued Minjun? All these boys are taking what Haechan's so well known for, but he doesn't seem to mind at all, less jealous than Jisung even though they're taking more from him.

He hears Seojun's quiet laughter mixed in with the sound of wrestling and Minjun squawking. He gets up to go break up the fight. (Or join in. He'll decide when he gets in there.)

*

Jisung doesn't know whose idea it had been, but somehow they mostly gather up to watch his acting debut when it airs. It'd be ridiculous to expect all 26 of them to be able to all have the same night off, but more than half of them have somehow squeezed into 127's dorm.

"This is entirely unnecessary," Jisung announces when he enters with Chenle to see several people crammed in the kitchen and more spilling out of the hallway. "I'm only in this episode for like, five minutes."

"But it's our maknae's acting debut!" Johnny-hyung sings out. "We bought a cake!"

Jisung rolls his eyes and thinks about arguing because he can see Ryuunosuke lurking alone in the living room, but in the end he just stands still so Johnny-hyung can wrap him in a quick hug. That'll be an argument for another day, he knows.

"We're proud of you, Jisung-ah," Johnny-hyung whispers before pushing him towards someone else in the hyung line and resuming fluttering around.

In the end, he ends up crammed between Haechan (with Ryuunosuke on his lap) and Taeyong-hyung on the floor while Chenle fights the mouthier part of the ‘00 line for the oversized armchair behind them. It's loud and chaotic and someone steps on him on their way to find a seat, but it's undeniably an NCT event; he bets the EXO-sunbae will be banging on the wall before the night's over. He breathes a little deeper than he has in days.

It's relaxing, knowing he can hide behind them all for a while, all eyes on someone flashier, louder, more in command, even though this night is supposed to be about him. The twins look a little overwhelmed where they've been separated, Minjun cradled between Yuta and Taeil against the coffee table (all three heads the same exact shade of sandy blond, like they shared a bottle of bleach) and Seojun lost somewhere in the blanket fort Junhyeok-hyung made. He guesses it takes some getting used to, the noise and all of their sticky fingers, reaching out to baby them.

He thinks about when the hyungs do that to him, pull him into their laps with careful hands, even once he was way too old and way too big to fit anymore. He outgrew most of them years ago, but it's never stopped them from pulling him around, petting him whenever they could reach out. At least, never stopped them before now; he feels a little cold even though he's pressed up beside Taeyong-hyung. 

Ryuunosuke looks a little shy on Haechan's lap, curled up cutely. It's sweet and he wonders if the others had looked at him like this when he was fifteen, some soft kid they needed to protect from how awful the world was going to be to him. 

He's so busy watching Haechan and Ryuunosuke that he misses his entrance on screen. The '00 line starts screaming and Kwangsu (who won the armchair while Chenle and Jaemin were battling) reaches down to shake his shoulders back and forth.

"That's our baby!" Haechan calls out, and everyone starts whooping.

By the time they all calm down, his scene is over. It's hard to imagine that three sleepless nights resulted in such a short scene. He sighs wearily as he waits for the next scene to come up.

*

There's only six days between Kwangsu and Jisung, but sometimes it feels like years. He had somehow transferred in as a trainee from another company right around the time that Mark-hyung had graduated, and he'd pretty much immediately had taken over everything he could, fingers in every pie he could touch, and that was before he even officially debuted into Dream.

Jisung has been in the industry for years and years at this point, but he still feels young compared to Kwangsu, compared to what Kwangsu has done in the ten months he's been around. 

The 127 hyungs had been pretty busy with their world wide tour when Junhyeok-hyung and Kwangsu had been introduced as Rookies, so maybe that's why this all feels so different, how they're reacting so feverishly to fresh blood when they'd all just quietly accepted Junhyeok-hyung and Kwangsu into the fold without much fuss.

It's interesting to see from an outside perspective, how everyone is a little softer with the twins, less rough and tumble and loud when they're around Ryuunosuke. They've never taken that consideration with anyone else that's been added after the fact, the China-line hyungs or Jungwoo-hyung. 

It's weird, watching the hyungs with Kwangsu, and then comparing it to Minjun, two people who are a lot alike. Even Renjun who doesn't normally care about age and respect and honorifics, someone who will normally cut anyone down, seems soft with the new maknae line.

Kwangsu doesn't seem like he ever needed any of that though, not like Jisung had in the beginning, not like he quietly wishes he still had, even though Kwangsu was as much the maknae as he was.

It's even more interesting watching Kwangsu with Ryuunosuke. He's been friends with the twins since he joined the company, latching onto them and running the halls and being as loud as they could get away with. So it's weird, seeing him gentle and slow with Ryuunosuke. 

It doesn't fill him with that odd jealousy when he comes home and sees them asleep on the couch, Ryuunosuke curled close under Kwangsu's arm. At practice, Kwangsu guides him through the steps slowly, using his body and few words so Ryuunosuke doesn't get lost while trying to translate in his head.

It's sweet and honestly, a good sign of things to come if he can accept new members so easily.

If only Jisung wasn't so conflicted himself.

*

It gets to the point where it feels like the only time he sees anyone is just in passing, when he comes tumbling home late in the evening or when he's scrambling through the dorm on his way out.

He's always thought that having everyone around him was obnoxious, tiresome, but now he's lonely when he opens the door and sees no one, everyone already tucked into bed after a long day of learning choreography. He misses that, the sweat and too loud music and Chenle tripping into him, the exasperation of their choreographer.

Kwangsu has been getting up early with him every once in a while, showing him the steps they covered the day before in the living room with no music, and Junhyeok-hyung has stopped by set a few times with highlighted lyric sheets so he can hole up in a bathroom somewhere and mumble raps under his breath. This is the least prepared he's ever been for a comeback and he's worried about the mini album, how rushed and unbalanced his parts will be without Mark-hyung to walk him through it like he used to when Jisung was younger and unprepared.

Being part of the main cast but somehow basically a background character is more tiresome than he thought it would be, having to pose and repose in the back of shots over and over and _over again_ before stumbling through his few lines. And he knows he looks terrible, the way the coordi-noona looks grim and wields her brushes every time he sits in her chair. 

He's exhausted and weary and lonesome and just wants to curl up in one of his hyung's laps and have them pet his hair and tell him that they're proud; but he can't just ask, they would never let him live it down.

So it's not exactly the best time when he crawls into the dorm, physically aching, eyes sandpaper rough, shoulders heavy with the weight of unlearned lines, to the bright laughter of his members and the '00 line. It's Saturday evening, and they've mostly had a rare afternoon off so they're piled in, some romcom blaring on the television and pizzas spread over the table.

Everyone waves and calls his name when they notice him hovering, trying to decide if he's going to join them or drown himself in the shower, but Chenle is the only one that gets up to fret. He's been doing that a lot recently, physically checking over Jisung whenever they meet, like maybe he's being bullied again and just not saying anything this go around. 

He glances around and sees Jeno-hyung with his head pressed close to Minjun and Ryuunosuke in Jaemin's lap and Haechan's fingers in Seojun's carefully sculpted curls. He blinks at whatever Chenle's saying, agrees with it without caring what he's agreeing to, then turns towards their room to lock himself in.

He ignores everyone when they knock and doesn't even care that Chenle has to bunk with the twins. He thinks he's allowed a breakdown or two.

*

Recording is a blur he barely remembers. Not because it was smooth, but because he hadn't slept in 32 hours when he finally makes it to the booth. He stumbles over a bunch of lines and one of his mistakes makes it onto the mini album because he can't get the pacing right no matter how many times he asks to redo it.

He cries in the bathroom on the next floor when he's done and then goes back to see Ryuunosuke finish breezing through his parts, quick and easy like he'd been born in a recording booth even though it's his first time.

They share a van back to the dorms with a few of the oldest members and instead of clinging to one of them like he'd like to, he lets Ryuunosuke slide under his arm to nap. 

Taeyong-hyung smiles at him when Ryuunosuke starts to softly snore. "You're a better hyung than I thought you'd be," he admits, sliding into the seat beside Jisung.

"What?"

"I thought we had spoiled you too much and you'd resent them, but you've grown up so much. I know you're going through a lot right now, but you're still looking out for him everywhere you can. I'm proud of you."

Jisung blinks at Taeyong because yes, there's a part of him that does resent them, a part that is jealous and possessive of _his_ hyungs, and he's really not sure why that's not showing... except that Ryuunosuke is surprisingly a good maknae, especially considering the cultural difference.

He's the one that's more likely than the rest to be waiting up for him at night when he trudges in after a late shoot after a morning full of rehearsal. He holds scripts open while Jisung shovels as much food as he can in his mouth while they're in the rehearsal room and helps run lines as best as he can on the van ride home. He's soft and sweet and considerate and everything that Jisung as a maknae has never been.

Jisung can't resent Ryuunosuke himself, just what he's taken from Jisung, which is something that Ryuunosuke can't help. And they're going to be working together for at least the next 18 months, maybe longer, maybe for the rest of their careers, he has no idea, so it's best that he's keeping his pettiness to himself. 

He resents his hyungs more in this situation, for leaving him behind. They've spoiled him and made him touch-hungry and indulged his whims and even if they don't mean to, they're pandering to the younger members now.

But Taeyong-hyung is right; his position in NCT is changing and he's going to have to adapt if he wants to stay relevant, and taking care of Ryuunosuke has become second nature in just a few short months.

He just wishes he didn't have to give up so many things. 

*

The 127 hyungs' practice room is just down the hall from Dream's, so when Jisung gets dropped off from finishing filming early (for once) and he hears music, he leans in to greet them like a dutiful maknae. He's still officially the maknae for eleven more days until teasers start getting released, so he might as well be well behaved until that responsibility is passed on to Ryuunosuke, poor kid.

"Jisungie~~!" Mark calls out over the music when he catches sight of him and several hyungs latch on, messing up his hair and digging their fingers in where they can reach. It makes him feel fourteen again, their affection being focused solely on him.

"Where's the rest?" Taeyong-hyung asks after everyone greets him. 

"School, mostly. They'll be here later for rehearsal. Figured I should come practice while I have the chance."

"Or," Johnny-hyung says. "You could just sit there and let us show off for a bit. You look like you could use a rest and Yuta needs an audience."

Jisung pulls a face when Yuta-hyung squawks but dutifully sits down against the mirrored wall. He's done this before, especially back before Dream had even been thought of, back when it was just U and 127, and to a lesser extent, when they were all Rookies and Jisung was too young to even know what was even going on half the time.

They've all changed a lot, Johnny-hyung louder than ever and Jaehyun-hyung more laid back and Taeyong-hyung's nervous ticks spread out on display when he used to keep them tucked close, tiny pieces that make up their personalities magnified to make caricatures of themselves. 

Haechan, though… what you see is what you get, loud and bold and bright. Jisung watches him as they get in position, how 127 is always reaching out for him, Taeil-hyung ruffling his hair while Johnny-hyung guides him into place. He's laughing, liquid and sweet, even after the music starts.

For a moment, it's everything that he's used to, 127 forgetting he's there, Haechan the maknae. 

The music starts, and everything feels right for the next few minutes.

*

"How did you break in?" Jisung says when he stomps in and finds Haechan halfway inside their fridge. "The door seemed pretty stable when I locked it this morning."

"Used the key."

"When did you get a key? You've never lived here."

"Stole it from Ryuu-chan. Took his whole backpack two days ago." 

Jisung rolls his eyes where Haechan can't see and doesn't even mention him being a bully or the fact that Ryuunosuke got in trouble for not having his practice shoes that morning. "He still hates being called Ryuu-chan."

"He'll get used to it. It's not like the fans will be able to pronounce it any better than I can."

Jisung flings himself down at the kitchen table; Haechan makes a face when he sits down next to him.

"You smell." But he scrunches his hand into Jisung's hair like he used to. "And you're wet."

"I had emergency MV filming while everyone else touched up their vocals. They changed part of my dance solo." He yawns wide and Haechan looks fond for a moment. "Came home to shower."

"Doesn't that come out like, next week?" 

"No. It comes out in three days. Teasers started posting yesterday."

"Ah right, SM timelines. Always going according to plan."

Jisung hums his agreement. "So why are you here? The twins won't be back for hours."

"I wanted to congratulate Ryuu-chan on his teaser picture. He looks so cute in it."

"Hey, what about me? Mine came out too."

"Yeah, but you're not cute."

Jisung sticks his tongue out and it feels an awful lot like two years ago when Haechan and Mark-hyung were both still in Dream and Haechan was giving him a hard time about his stupid blue hair.

It's nice, sitting there in silence, until the door creaks open and Haechan shoots up. Jisung doesn't even bother waiting to see who it is, just gets up and creeps to the bathroom to shower. 

*

The comeback stage is pandemonium.

Ryuunosuke feels so small, pressed against the notches of Jisung's spine, as they wait for the cue of the music. Jisung can feel it in his heart, the countdown in his earpiece, traveling out along his limbs, his fingers twitching as he counts beats. There's nothing better than this, the frenzied silence before the music starts in earnest, the hum of NCTzens in the audience, how they're all about to explode into something bigger than the sum of their parts.

He wonders what they're all going to say about this lineup, how they're going to accept Ryuunosuke and the twins. (He knows he needs to stop referring to them as the twins. They're trying their hardest to be separate people these days.) The song is sharp and the choreography is crisp, and Jisung feels good things coming for the seven of them.

The fever pitch of screams keeps climbing and climbing, and by the time the countdown in his earpiece hits zero, he's never felt more alive.

*

Jisung doesn't even know what's going on, he just comes back after being gone for two days for a location shoot, sore and exhausted with some variety show filming that evening, and sees Haechan looming over an uncomfortable-looking Ryuunosuke and he doesn't even think, just acts.

"Leave him alone," Jisung snaps, grabbing Ryuunosuke by the wrist and yanking him away from Haechan's sticky fingers. "You always do this, pick and nag and poke. He doesn't even know Korean all that well yet and has no idea why you're even bullying him." Not that Ryuunosuke has ever said anything about Haechan, but then again, Ryuunosuke doesn't say much of anything.

Ryuunosuke's eyes are wide, trained on Jisung, but he doesn't say anything even though his wrist probably throbs where Jisung hasn't let him go yet. He takes a small step closer, like he's cowering, but he places his free hand on Jisung's back like he's trying to comfort him.

"Bullying him? When have I bullied him?"

"Every chance you get. He's not used to people like you."

"People like me? What's that supposed to mean, Jisung-ah?" he asks, his face closing up.

"You're never happy unless you're making everyone around you uncomfortable and miserable. Just leave him alone."

Haechan looks surprised and a bit hurt, but that doesn't stop Jisung from turning and manhandling Ryuunosuke out of the Dream practice room.

"Hyung, what just happened?" Ryuunosuke asks quietly after they've made it down the hall.

Ryuunosuke's been doing that recently, calling him hyung, but especially when Jisung is being extra patient with him; Jisung hasn't heard him use it with anyone else yet.

Jisung sighs. "If he's ever being like that, you can tell him to stop and he will. He's a selfish jerk, but he'll listen when you've had enough." Which is partly true; Haechan's always had a knack for knowing when to stop without going too far, he just doesn't always care to stop.

Ryuunosuke nods his head solemnly, but Jisung knows he won't ever speak up. It makes him worried about when Ryuunosuke eventually ventures off without NCT around. It's happened to him, older groups from other companies backstage when no one else will overhear, their jealousy and greed getting the better of them.

"Look, whenever anyone is doing anything that makes you uncomfortable, call me. It doesn't matter what I'm doing, filming, recording, whatever, I'll be there. It doesn't matter who it is." And yeah, he can't ever stand up for himself, but he feels like he could take on Lee Soo Man if he had to for his members. "Promise me."

"I promise, hyung."

*

When Jisung opens his eyes a few mornings later, Haechan is sprawled over Chenle's mostly unused bed. He looks pretty settled in, feet propped up against the wall, tongue tucked determinedly between his teeth as he focuses on whatever's happening on his phone. Jisung quietly watches him, evens out his breath like he's still asleep.

He knew this was coming, NCT has a policy of not letting arguments and fights linger (there's been locked closets involved for the reluctant before) so it's only been a matter of time before Haechan cornered him somewhere. If it wasn't for his weird filming schedule, they probably would have had this face off days ago.

Haechan doesn't let him pretend to be asleep for long. "So are you ready to talk about why you're being like this?" He asks, tossing his phone somewhere in Chenle's bed.

"Like what?" he asks, too tired and too asleep to be having this conversation. 

"This. Like you're going through puberty all over again, bratty and picking fights and digging your claws into your members."

Why has he been like this? He knows it's because he's jealous, bitter about everything that's changing. He's felt small and insignificant and obscure for months and nothing has really made it better, not even Ryuunosuke and Seojun and Minjun looking to him for guidance, which is what he always thought he wanted, dongsaengs of his own. He just… wants all the things he had before, too.

"Hyung," Jisung finally says, a small tug in his voice, and he's not sure if he's actually going to say it until he actually says it. "I miss you. I've only been picking fights with you."

Haechan looks taken back, surprised. "Why didn't you say anything before?" Because the only mind Haechan can read is apparently Mark-hyung's. "You always tell me to leave you alone."

"I never mean it."

"Never?" Haechan says, climbing into Jisung's bed with his arms outstretched. 

"Well," he says, burrowing into Haechan's embrace even though he's twice Haechan's size. "Not every time."

They're quiet for a moment, Haechan probably trying to figure out how to proceed. Jisung's never been one to reach out, to say when he needs something, always too quiet when it counts.

"So." He finally says. "What can I do to fix it? Text you more? I already come over a lot, but I guess it's different from being on stage together."

Jisung cringes; he can't figure out how to say _stop teasing the new members in front of me_ without looking like a sad loser. "Just. Stop treating me different. I've gotten used to you being annoying and it's weird when you're not."

"I thought you'd be glad I had someone new to pick on."

"It's okay when it's the twins," well, not _okay_ but _easier_ , "but leave Ryuunosuke alone. He doesn't need that from his hyungs."

Haechan sighs. "You and Chenle... you never let me be a real hyung. I don't know what I'm doing," he admits. "You have to let me know when I'm doing something wrong."

"Okay," Jisung says, sitting up and breaking out of Haechan's grasp. There's been enough of that. "I'll try."

Haechan beams and then throws himself back at Jisung, tickling fingers poised.

Jisung shrieks, but he's never felt better.

*

(And in three years, when the newest batch comes through, Jisung doesn't for a second forget what it was like, losing his identity to someone younger with chipmunk cheeks and the world stretched before him. He holds tight to Ryuunosuke like he always has and keeps moving forward.)


End file.
